I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
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