In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
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