please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize
