anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
