Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Randomize
