my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Randomize
