You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Randomize
