drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
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