There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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