can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
