dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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