and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
