wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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