i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
