even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
