I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
