I haven't been this sober since birth.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
