Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
