He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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