Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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