I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Randomize
