i just had sex bonerless
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
You pole danced in your parka.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
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