I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Randomize
