The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
