my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Randomize
