i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
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