since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Randomize
