I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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