i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
