We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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