She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
