You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I just threw up on my dentist
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
