My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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