So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
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