saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
