You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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