Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
