i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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