You're completely useless in the revolution.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
