had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Randomize
