Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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