Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
