Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Randomize
