I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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