I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I will pee on everything he values.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Randomize
