yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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