she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Randomize
