Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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