i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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