put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
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