i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Randomize
