I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
